What Is An UNDisabled Life?
Most of us who’ve spent any time on this special needs journey are familiar with the term “least restrictive environment”. It means that, by law, our children must be given the opportunity to learn and grow in as close proximity as possible to their non-disabled peers. (The presumption here is that such proximity will facilitate greater growth as our kids are able to “model” and learn from their non-disabled peers in a “typical” learning environment.) For some kids with disabilities that means spending 100% of the school day in a general education classroom with supports provided in that environment, as needed. For others it might mean spending 50% of their time with their general education peers and 50% in a self-contained classroom which is comprised of other kids with disabilities. Because every child’s needs and abilities are different, the “least restrictive environment” is defined individually and developed specifically for each child.
Most of us learn about the choice of “least restrictive environment” when our children are young; and, many of us have advocated for it throughout our kids’ school lives. We insist that our children be given the best opportunities for growth and inclusion; and, we want them placed in the environments that provide the greatest access to both.
What would happen if we, as special needs parents, adapted this idea of “least restrictive environment” to our home and family lives? That is, what if we chose to advocate for and create our family’s “least restrictive life” - an environment that intentionally supports and facilitates freedom and growth for all, including our child with special needs? What would that look like? How would our lives change if we chose to be less restricted by what we believe we can’t do as a special needs family and more focused on what we could do if we sought opportunities for our family to live its “least restrictive life”?
What kind of mindset shift would that require? Might we re-envision our family's future to include more joy while also recognizing and honoring the joy we already have? Despite the hardships, might we still choose to let our lives reflect a sense of purpose and gratitude? Might we choose to remain hopeful despite difficult current realities that tempt us towards hopelessness? Day to day, might we choose to adopt a perspective for our family and ourselves that sees opportunities - for joy, fulfillment and growth - and not just limitations? In the same way that we advocate for the choice of least restrictive environment at school, might we advocate for the same choice in our personal and family lives?
Please know that I’m not talking about living in denial - pretending or wishing away our real life circumstances. And I’m not trying to add yet another thing to the list of things we “should” do (no judgment or shaming here). But I am talking about taking the hand we’ve been dealt and playing it to win. Will it require some work on our part? Yes. Changing one’s mindset is never easy. The beautiful thing about this change, though, is that we each get to decide what winning looks like for us - based on our unique needs and desires, abilities and circumstances. No one else decides for us what our least restrictive life looks like.
Having a child with disabilities does not have to mean settling for less life, less joy or less fulfillment. Yes, our lives may be different - and even difficult - but they don’t have to be disabled lives. We can choose/fight to “UN-disable” them - one step at a time, one choice at a time - in ways that are specific to our family’s abilities and that can change as we change. We can choose to define and create our family’s most fulfilling, most joy-filled, UN-disabled lives.
So tell me: What might that look like for you/your family?